we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
