Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
