i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
