I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
