i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
