i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I smell like Dick and happiness
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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