tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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