um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
