Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
