Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize