How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
