Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
