I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
