so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
