I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Damn victory sex feels great
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
