those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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