So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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