God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize