Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
