MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
