i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
