i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
be right there i have to get my cape
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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