I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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