do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
