We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
