I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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