i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
