i would punch a child for taco bell
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
