Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
