Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
