She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
