I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
