Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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