Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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