I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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