Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
