we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Houston, we have a squirter
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
