I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i've created a new STD.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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