What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
PANTIES FOUND
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