Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
