It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
