You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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