So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
