shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
