so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
