his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
