You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there was a trapeze. enough said
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
