i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
