My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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