You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
