At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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