Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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