You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
