I'm going to jail i love you
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
