Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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