Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I didn't notice because vodka
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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