I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
