A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
