So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
