she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
