I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
