I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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