I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
