She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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