ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
