Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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