Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize