In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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