ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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