Cold hands, warm shart.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
